今天。。。。

今天的我。。。
好烦恼哦。。。
因为事情没解决。。。
我不放心。。。
所以上完课之后。。。
就一直烦到现在。。。
我无法解决。。。
你又不帮我。。。
真的很生气。。。
原来我一直都不重要。。。
原来你的计划比我还重要。。。

我想把自己锁上。。。
不再让任何人进来了。。。
不再让任何事进来了。。。
不再然任何情进来了。。。
在那里得只剩下友情与亲情。。。
或许友情也会慢慢的消失。。。
亲情也会慢慢得不见。。。
只剩下一个虚壳。。。
什么也感觉不到。。。

为什么。。。
我不想知道了。。。
知道了又如何。。。
伤心过了又如何。。。
痛过了又如何。。。

今天。。。
被这两个情所伤。。。
伤得很重。。。
要时间来痊愈。。。
只是我学会了。。。
在人面前笑。。。
在人面前做好自己的本分。。。
朋友有事情回去帮忙。。。
就可以了。。。

世界真的很残酷。。。
让我全身都是伤。。。
不想记得一切。。。
伤痛却像个噩梦绕着我。。。
不让我忘记。。。
不让我摆脱。。。
一直伤着我。。。

有时候，
你要我说什么 。。。
你要我做什么。。。
我真的不知道。。。
我的心情，
也不知道如何表达出来。。。
这能藏在心里。。。

无所谓了。。。
知道自己该做什么就做吧。。。
不再强求任何东西了。。。
我恨脆弱。。。
禁不起一直的伤害。。。
就放了我吧。。。

今天的我，
很EMO。。。
答应了就要改。。
不要一直EMO下去了。。。
今天就让我EMO多一天吧。。。
期待明天会更好。。。

Life goes on.....

This month....
Is been a tiring month....
Presentation, Test, Assignment, Project, Lab report coming at me....
Cos me cannot go back home...
My friend say i always wanted to go back....
True...
Cos i am just a little girl....
Haha....
Kidding....
This year end going to get my key ady....
How can be a little girl anymore....

Maybe is the nightmare....
That cos me to appreciate wat my parents did...
Wat my family did....
But yet make me hate KL more....
And the old witch plus her gang.....
I don like to talk abt them....
Cos they are nothing...
It only cos me to be more and more angry....
I won honour them anymore cos they don deserve it.....
They are just human yet pretend to be god....
HATE THEM BADLY.......
Although i should not....
Haiz....
Humans are complicated....

I should say...
Finally there is a week rest....
And my hazel jie jie coming back from India....
But so sad...
I could not meet her....
Hazel, although i could not meet you this time,
Hope that next time we can meet each other again....
Hope that the gossip club members plus form 6 friends can meet again....
Really wish to go vacation with them.....

I really love my family right now...
Until now i realize....
I am a plant that live in the green house...
Protected and given good care....
But this plant is taken out from the green house and being exposed to the cruel environment...'
I am emotionally weak...
Character also weak....
Thats why easily get hurt.....
Going to grow stronger....
And be a real cheerful girl...

My friend say that i am a happy go lucky girl...
But actually i am not...
I am a emo girl...
A girl who smile in front of people...
Yet crying at the back....
Time to change....
God, family and friends will give me strength to change....
And i believe in it....

Life goes on...
It is a song...
It is a philosophy....
Life won stop for u...
Time won stop there to wait for u...
U r the one who should continue to move on......

Starry is happily here....
Trying to grow up...
No going to emoing....
So if i emoing,
Friends remember to scold me o.....
Smile starry...
Kampate.....
Moving forward cos future is in our hand.....
Grab it and bravely accept it....
Smile.......

Really don like it.....

Really don like her way of doing things.......

Not going to be soft hearted toward her.....

Cos really fed up......

I am blind....

Thats why i so trust her...

But she broke my trust....

And her work is giving people problem.... 

Haiz....

Not going to do work with her.....

People has been telling me about her bad things ady....

And i can see it....

Yala...

I am stupid....

She say she search internet abt the case...

But end up use the information in the journal that i find one...

Haiz.............

Hate it......

I also create problem for people...

So i have to change it....

My friend say that names that appear in my blog is not a good thing...

Cos sure kena scolding....

Haha....

Sorry....

Recently my mood is not stable...

This has been happening again and again....

But still like that....

I cam be happy a while then be emo...

But promise friends that going to change...

From a emo girl to a happy girl....

Kampate....

A lot of things in life is very irritated...

And hate it...

But since i cannot change this things....

Why don i change my mind set about it....

Kampate.......... 

I can do it...

Smile Starry......

噩梦。。。。

真的很讨厌。。。。
他像影子一样。。。
一直缠绕着我。。。
忘也忘不掉。。。
逃也逃不开。。。
而最讨厌的是。。。
他总是在你一个人的时候来烦你。。。
找不到人述说。。。
只能一个人承担。。。
一个人却承担不起。。。

去了KL。。。
发生一件噩梦。。。。
答应母亲不能告诉任何人。。。
所以，
一直藏在心里。。。
可是却忘也忘不掉。。。
吃也吃不好。。
睡也睡不好。。。
作什么也不能。。。。
真是惹人厌。。。

真希望噩梦能找一点离开。。。。
不要再来烦我。。。

我讨厌噩梦。。。。

speechless....

Don know wat to say...
Don know wat to tell her....
I am being so weak.....
She is not a good friend...
Everyone knows that.....
For her, i abandon my best friends....
And even make them sad.....
Right now i have seen her true faces,
Yet she tell me that she is sad....
I seriously don know wat to do...
She has break my trust abt her.....
People has been telling me not to be friend with her......
I know she is using me....
And no one is willing to be friend with her...
Yet i don know wat to do...

Silly, right?
She just don know abt it....
Cos i could not tell....
I really admire at CK...
Where he can tolerate her....
And only talk abt things abt her with J....
I cannot....
I don want to be a fake person....
But yet i don know how to talk to her....
Can someone teach me how???

I am a silly girl...
The last to see the truth...
The one who heartlessly broke my friends' heart.....
Which is the least that i wanted to do....
But yet i did it again again and again....
Is hard to find people that are best to u....
Is hard to find people that can listen to ur true feelings....
Is hard to find people that can be a good listener.....
I am one...
Cos i don know how to express myself............

Facing her, i don know wat to do...
I have fun with her....
Yet i have complains abt her...
And the most important thing is that she is someone who will use people.....
I think i have to leave her...
And with her...
I cannot study....
Being with her, i am more playful...
Compare to the sakai gang who always bring me around....

For my form 6 friends,
Xiao mei is good right now...
Facing a dilemma problem...
Seriously don know wat to do...
Miss the time i have with u all...
Looking forward to the trip we are going to have....
Miss u all badly.....

Humans are complicated....
So do I......
Really hope that tomorrow wake up...
I can talk to my friend....
And get some idea and solution.....
Goodnight to the world...

Feeling sad about Japan...
Where the earthquakes hits....
Going to pray for Japan........

Through christ....

It is a song that touches my heart....
Simple but yet meaningful....
Cos i give me hope when it is hopeless.....
It gives me strength when things really happen....
When i could not study....
When i lose all my hope....
When i don know wat to do....
Every time i listen to the song,
Hope, courage, faith comes back....
When i am scare,
The song give me courage...
Without this song,
I don know how i survive....

Everytime,
Study until midnight...
I feel automatic feel stress and scare....
But with this song i can gain back strength....

When darkness tries to hide my way,
Your word is the light.
That guides my faith.
I will trust in you.
I will trust in you.
When my heart is weak,
And i lost my way.
Then i lift up my eyes,
and choose to say.
I will trust in you.
I will trust in you.

I can do all things through christ...
I can move a mountain
If u are the strength of my life.
I can do all things through christ.
If u are the strength of my life.

In the presence of life,
Strength renewed.
I find courage to stand
And a hope that is new.
I will trust in you.
I will trust in you.

Every trials come my way.
I will worship you always.
Forever trust in ur unfailing love.
Every doubt and fear press in
I still hear ur voice with in...
Forever trust in ur unfailing love.

I like the whole song...
Cos it gives me strength and courage....
Knowing God will always be there for me...
Pass to him all burdens..
Knowing that my future is in his hands.....
Then nothing to worry of....

Sadness will still come.....
I can prevent trial, doubt and fear to come in...
But yet the most important thing is how to overcome....
Fail ady never mind...
Stand up and try again....
This is the main thing...
Nothing is going to separate me from christ....
Just trust in him...
He will lead me through....
The hardest is to give him all...
I can do it....

After crying,
Joy will come.....
After sunset, there will be sunrise....
Jia you.......
Smile and be strong, Starry.....
Shine like star.....

想家。。。

好想回家。。。
真的好想家。。。
回到一个能保护我的家。。。
一个能给我力量的家。。。
我真的好想回家。。。。

最近的我，
被噩梦缠绕着。。。。
忘也忘不了。。。
不知该如何是好。。。、
想回家。。。
想回到父母亲的身边。。。
不想一个人。。。
很痛苦。。。。

我知道。。。
这时长大的过程。。。
好希望我不需要长大。。。
不需要面对问题。。。
没有烦恼。。。
可是这不可能。。。
我还是得长大。。。
像个大人一样。。。

哭了。。。
答应父母不再哭了。。。
可是眼泪却一直掉下。。。
最近发生的事。。。
让我好累好累。。。
好想停下脚步。。。
不想往前走。。。
可是不能。。。

我真的好累。。。
我真的好压力。。。
我真的好无助。。。
我好想要假期。。。
我好想要无忧无虑的生活。。。
我好想要有能打破现在的光景的力量。。。。
我好想要勇气来胜过这一切。。。

哭过了。。。
心情真得比较好。。。
我需要一个空间能让我毫无保留地说出我的感受。。。。
能让我再不让任何人担心的情况下苦。。。。
我太胆小了。。。
很懦弱。。。
一点也不坚强。。。
却得学会面对这个残酷的世界。。。

哭过了。。。。
该是时候笑了。。。
该是时候从新振作起来了。。。
该是时候学会面人事物 了。。。
我再继续苦。。。
而是笑着面对。。。。。
坚强，倔强，勇气。。。
我真的好需要。。。
力量继续向前。。。
这就足够了。。。

是时候该长大了。。。
是时候该相信自己。。。
我能够的。。。
加油。。。

Hate the emo guy......

The guy again...
I cannot believe he is from From 6.....
He does not have the courage to face problems....
A nerd and a weirdo........

Hate people that blames surrounding but not he himself....
Everyone is trying their best to study and work hard in their own way....
It is just because u did not put enough time into it then u blame lecturer....
The lecturer is super good de lo....
When she explain, i understand....
And although her question is hard,
But it is for our benefit....
So stop blaming others and blame urself...
For not putting enough effort....
For not spending enough time...
Others can do it...
Why do u.....
But if u really put in the effort ady...
Then as urself, is it the way u study is wrong......
People are trying their best...
And u just push all the responsibility away...
U r shame to be a Form 6 student....
A Form 6 student can handle stress but u cannot....
A Form 6 student experience a lot through form 6...
Cos it is so hard...
But i did not see that in u....
Hate it...

Have to remind myself....
Blame myself more than surrounding...
Blame myself more than people around me....
Blame myself more than situation......
Be strict to myself....
But yet be kind to others....
This is wat i want to do...
Although is hard...
I may fall too...
Cos i am human....
But working harder to be better is the only way...
Kampate, starry...........

Humans are complicated....
So do I......

Hurting.....

Hurting people again....
Why am i always like that.......
Maybe is my attitude.....
Someone who has make me angry or scare....
I will be trying my best to avoid them.....
Cos is hurting me.......
I seriously don know how to tell him or her the problem i have with u.....
Wat do u want me to say??
Say that i don like u???
Say that u did wrong???
I just don know.....
It always happen and happen.....
U may be saying i am selfish....
And i agree with it....
But the things will keep on haunted me..........
The hurt will always be there.....
And that is the hardest thing to mend it..............
I really don know wat to do........
I am like a person full of thorns....
Cos i don know when i will hurt others again...........
I need to change and breakthrough......
If not, this situation will continue........

Friends, sorry if i hurt u......
I am just a selfish girl who wanted to change into a brand new me.....
Saying all this not to blame others but to blame myself....
For being inconsiderate and weak...........
Have to get used to it.....
Smiling in front of people....
When my heart is hurt........
Sorry for just thinking of myself....
Without knowing that this also affect people....
Really hope that time can heal everything......
But yet it seems to be impossible......

Humans are complicated....
So do I.........

Dilemma Situation......

Yesterday was in a dilemma situation......
Why?
Let me start the story form last week.....

Last Wednesday, i could not wake up for the 8am tutorial...
So i skip class....
Then i receive my friend's, K call....
She ask me whether i am going to class or not....
I say i am not and i ask her to sign for me...
Then that time they are doing critical review which is my second english assignment....
Then, she say she can ask the other friends whether can we join.....
And she say can......
So i thought that i ady have groups.......

So yesterday,
I only found out that she did not ask....
And the whole class only left two of us don have groups.....
Each groups ady have 5 people which is the maximum ady....
Then i ask the lecturer is that possible to have 6 in a group....
And the lecturer give me a no....
She say cannot....
That is the rules and i cannot change it....
Then the lecturer suggest that any volunteer who are willing to join our group....

Can u imagine the situation i am in???
I really feel sorry to separate my friends from their group....
And everyone ady have group and started doing the assignment.....
If i don find a group, it is impossible to finish it just two of us.....
And i don think the lecturer will allow....
She will definitely break the groups up.....
And then, they will sure blame me one.....
No blame her cos she is not there......

Then i am so frustrated....
I seriously don know wat to do.....
Then i complain to my friend, J....
Then she say is like that de la...
This is her character.....

Then K go and talk to her biochem friends and she know it....
Then her friends suggested that we go and see the lecturer again...
See whether if it is possible that we can join other groups that are not in the same tutorial as us....
Then i say ok....
I promise my other friends to go and eat...
And i will tell him wat happen...
But she is following us....
It is impossible to tell him....
Then we have lab and we go and see the lecturer....
Luckily the lecturer agree.....
Then we go and find our groups separately.......

Wat irritates me the most is the question that she ask....
WHY ONLY TWO OF US???
How would i know....
Our tutorial class has 27 people....
And every group ady got 5 people....
How u except me to go and find two more people???

Then she say she got ask...
But they ady got 4 people......
So she thought that we want to be in the same group.....
So why don u tell me first???
I can try find people wa.....

Really frustrated....
But wat to do???
U r happily enjoying ur life....
While i have to try to find the solution......
And i hate people who break promises....
U promise wat u want to do then do it....
If really cannot, then tell me...
At least i know and can think of solution...
Hate it............

She maybe a good friend...
But definitely not a good partner......
Have to be careful next time....
Trust myself more....
And trust those who are really good to me.................

I know one things...
Friends help u is not because u worth it...
But is because of friendship....
It is not use to scold anyone...
But is use to remind myself to appreciate wat friends have did for me....
Without them i seriously cannot survive....
But very funny....
I am the one who hurt them the most....
I am the one who abandon them......
I feel guilty when they say that i ignoring them...
It is true and i cannot deny it...
So sorry....
Although the hurts will always be there....
But i will try to mend it....

I am not a good friend...
I am just a immature person.....
Someone who is proud and childish.....
Is time to grow up....
And be more mature....
Able to think and care for people around me....
This is wat i want to be.....
Kampate, starry............