Life....

Life is unpredictable...
I cannot predict what will happen next.......
But life is fun because of that.....
Will you agree with me????

There are situation that we don know how to handle or what to do....
These situation teach us to be stronger day by day..........
I believe situation push us and shape us into who we are now.......

I hope one day i can grow up to become and young adult.....
Someone who know how to handle things.....
Someone who is wise and know how to take good care of herself.....
Someone independent and mature......

That is my dream....
Will it ever be true???

MUET speaking test....

I did badly for my MUET speaking test....
Cos i say a few points only and i keep repeating the points.......
I feel so bad...
And i never thought i did my test so badly......

I cry in school........
My friends come to cheer me up....
They comfort me la................
I feel better...

JIA YOU IN EVERYTHING I DO.........
TRUST IN THE LORD...........
KAMPATE..............

And thanks.............
Lian, Pipi, Hazel jie jie, Shuba, Puan Gan, Yee ser, Ning da jie,
And Kuan shuen......
Thanks for you all encouragement....
Love you all.....

My stupd school....

My current school has a very weird system....
And hate it so so so much.....

Why every saturday i have to go back to school for weird activity???
Last saturday i did not go...
Then they want the letter....
I don know is my form teacher or the school wants...
But is better to pass up.....

I HATE MY SCHOOL.....
Everyday want money....
It is a government school.....
The government got give money or subsidi to the school.....
Then the school still keep on asking money from the student....
STUPID SCHOOL............

Everyday got a lot of weird activity.....
We must go........
We don want to go cos it is a waste of time...........
Then they come and scold us.............

Crazy................
Imperfect people do imperfect things......
Stupid people do stupid things.....
Crazy people do crazy things.............

My school is crazy....................

Results....

I get back my paper already....
I am thankful cos i pass all my exam.....
Thank god...
But i need to work hard....

This trials has make me weaker and easily get sick...
Time to work hard and take care of my health...
Kampate....

Love.....

Love....
Wat is it....
Until now i still don know....

But to me,
sometime it is sweet...
sometime it is happiness...
sometime it is hurting people....
sometime it is breakng people into pieces....

If i can let you go, i will...
If this will make you happy, i will...
I know i cannot promise you anything....
But if it is beneficial to you, i will do....

Time to let go.....
I know is super hard....
I don want it to affect me anymore....

But still i want to thank you for being your friend....
It is you who help me in my exam...
It is you who help me to become a better pianist...
It s you who help in my serving....

I want to thank you cos you are special....
Hope that one day i can let it go...
And i don want you to know...
I don want our friendship to be affected....

Stay strong starry....
You can do it....

Special Sunday - 27/9/2009

Why i call this special.....
Cos i ponteng....
I did not go to church....

There i something happen in kl....
So, my dad and my grandparents go back to kl....
He drove my car.
So i went back to my grandmother's house.
My sis go and stay in an aunty's house.

I thought my grandparents went back....
I feel so happy....
But i have to take one day off for duty....

Sorry everyone who work with me....
I cannot come....
And i think i create some trouble....
Sorry.....

I have a wonderful time in kota tinggi....
But then, my nightmare come back...
Cos my grandparents come to stay with me again....
Haiz....
I only happy for one day....
But i know i still got lesson to learn...
kampate...
I know i can do it....

Going back to kota tinggi....

Kota Tinggi is where i grew up....
Since the day i came to this earth, i been staying in there until i am 7 years old...
My grandmother's houuse is at kota tinggi....
I always go there during holiday....

It is been a long time for me to go back.....
After 4 months time, i went back....

Sorry to my school friends and church friends....
My school friend invite me to go out with them on wednesday....
M church friends ask me to go out with them on thursday....
I am sorry cos i need to went back to kota tinggi....

On wednesday, i drive there with my mum beside....
My sis go there with my dad....
My dad car is a bit lousy la....
Cos we start our journey the same time,
But i reach first..... So happy....
Then we have fun there playing with my cousins....
I also help them in their computer stuff...
Although i am not that good la.....

On thursday we celebrate my cousins birthday...
Two of my cousins ' birthday is near....
So we have a small party....
Then, we chat, play and have fun.....
I went back home on thursday....

Sorry i cannot often come back to kota tinggi....
But i will try my best to go back...
I think i will be back after my stpm....
See you all....

Sorry i cannot went out with you.....
I hope we still have chances to went out together next time.....

I love you all....
Both my friends and my dearest family.....
And also my godbrothers and godsisters.....

Kukup Trip...

First time going out with this group of friends.....
The trip is fun....
I get to know some friends better....
I make some new friends....

When we went there, i don feel like sitting next to my sister....
Cos feeling a bit weird....
Everytime we went to trip, usually we are not sitting next to each other....
So, i sit with my godbrother.....
my sister sit with my friend....

When we reach there after one and a half hour time,
we go for lunch....
We went to a better restaurant for lunch,
But at there, is too full....
So we went to a ok ok one....
The dishes is so little...
Not enough for us to eat...
Everyone get one little share...
Therefor we eat a lot of rice to keep ourself full....
I eat 3 bowl of rice le....

Den i saw them throwing tea thatwe cannot finish into the sea....
cos kukup is a kampung build on sea....
The sea is so so dirty....
The villagers there pollute the sea...
We, tourist also play a part in the pollution....

When we walk to the resort where we are staying,
There are a lot of rubbish floating on the sea....
In the resort, we can see fly everwhere...
And is kind of disgusting seeng a lot of flies in there and everywhere.......

Th aircon there is super cool....
We on the aircon whole day....
During night time, we feel so cold like winter....

We have icebreaker and only simple into.....
Cos most of them know each other very well...
Only some that are new and not belong to the team are requsted to have an intro....

Then we hve bbq....
The ppl there bbq for us...
We just need to wait and eat....
I like the pudding there....
Corn favour...
The bbq is quite nice.....

Then, we have free times....
We play a lot of different type of games...
Our favourite is majong.....
We play through out the night....
Until next morning 5 something only we go to sleep....
This is the second time i did that....
Is just a friendly game....
Does not involve gambling...
Most of us stay out during night,
Except for aunties and some.....
So most of us wake up very late on the next day....
Some of them cannot sleep cos the aircon is too cold....
We comtiue to play then we went back to jb....

On the trip back, one of the aunty take her video cam to record when we are sleeping.....
A lot of ugly picture in it...
Den we went back home....

During trip, there is 2 person that i dislike....
First one is a girl......
She talks a lot ....
Some is nonsense....

Second one is a guy.....
Who think he knows everything.....
But actually not....
Is a very sarcastic person.....
Like to look down on people.....
Think tat people cannot be better than him...
He thinks himself is so cool.....
I think is digusting and sarcastic....

I just need time to adapt so i can work with them next time....
I am not the same as my appearance....
Time to adjust my attitute...
KAMPATE....

Kukup...

Tomorow i am going to kukup....
With my church friends....
A brand new experience...
Cos i never been to kukup with this group of friends....
I have been to kukup for 2 times...
This is the 3 times....
Each times with different group of friends...
Each time a brand new experience....
This time i am going with my real sister and my godbrother....

You may be wondering why i write real sister,
Because i got godsister too.....

Waiting for tomorrow trip....

My nightmare..........

I think my friends know....
My nightmare refers to my grandmother who came from kl.
She came here for about one month....
I hate her.....
Cos i really cannot stand her 'pattern', her ways of doing things, and her character...
She is really really really weird.....

First, my sister and i stay at home during last holidays....
We are not going out...
We are staying in our house....
She worry that we have no food to eat just because our parents is not around....
When we say that we don want to eat, she use a very pityful sound and nag you until she sees you eating....
I was like walao ei.........
This is my home....
MY HOME LE....
Not kl, not outside but my house....
There is a lot of biscuits and maggi mee and other food.....
She is blind a......
Can't she see that there are plenty of food.....
And she is still worry about us that we are hungry...

Then she say later you got gastric la....
You know how painful is it when you have gastric....
I wanted to tell her that....
'Don you know i got gastric???
I know how it is feel like???
I not need you to tell me all that....'
I don want her to use her PRETENDING sound....
Disgusting and Sarcastic.........

Secondly, she is like a person who seems like know the bible so well and yet go and watch horror movie and get so scared.....
She scared of ghost....
I was like ' walao ei.....
Even my sister and i who don know the bible so well know clearly that we are not suppose to watch horror movie....
And she, the so called holy herself go and watch horror movie....
Don you know it is wrong...
She is sarcastic......
She is like crying so pityful.........

The story is like that...
My grandfather who is also from kl...
sees her leg swing here and there....
So, he go and grabbed her leg....
Then, my grandmother got so shocked and scared...
She scared that the ghost go and touch here...
Walao ei....
Can you believe this....
This word came out from a person whom so called holy......
SARCASTIC.......

She is like so pityful but no one took pity on her....
Cos is " zi zhao de"
If you did not watch horror movie, you will not be scare.....
Then this thing will not happen...
Wat, cannot sleep a...... Hard to breath a....
And she does not realise is her fault....
Then she keep on tell us,
If u want to wake people up.....
U cannot grab someone's hand or leg,
But shake that person.........

Thirdly, she like to nag.....
She can nag from morning to night.....non stop.....
Talking about wat has she been through....
I was like' can you stop talking????'
She go and talk me when i study for my trials.....
I was so so angry...
I go and complain to my mum....
Is she blind???
Can she see that i am working hard???
Still come and ask me something that she knows....
I don know does she really knows
But but but to me, it really sound like she knows and she purposely come and ask you......
After that she does not come and kacau me cos my mum go and ask her not to kacau me ....
Her reaction is "i know. I know..."
Know your head la.....
U know still come and kacau me until my mum go and say to you that please stop talking or nagging to me,
Den only u stop....
SARCASTIC................

What i hate the most is whenever she cannot win my dad in a so called debate, She will catch my grandfather and scold him.....
I still remeber that time....
Cos her thinking is so so weird....
Then my dad sort of scold her cos of her wrong doing....
I forget wat topic already.....
My dad wins the debate....
My dad say her until she cannot defend herself or talk back....
Then she catch my grandfather and scold....
After the scolding, she go outside and cry....
My grandfather and my dad went to thier rooms seperately....
My mum, my sis and i does not involve in it....
So we sit down there and talk like normal....
Den my dad came and join us....
I admit that the atmosphere is a bit weird....
Cos she is sitting outside to gain some compassion...
But we just ignore her...
Cos she is acting....
Very obvious....
When my parents went out,
Immediately, she came inside the house.....
Don know wat she do.....
Later she comtinue her act......
Until my parents come back....
Until we want to sleep...
Only she come in and sleep.....
SARCASTIC.....

She has the potential to be actoress....
Wat kind of person you are, people can see one....
No need to pretend who u are not.....
I hate her so much.....
There is more for me to complain....
But i cannot tell her off like that....
I only tell my parents and my sis....
We are like no freedom in our own home....
My sis say that we are like in kl....
Lock in house....No where to go....
Don know wat to do.....

There is so much more to write but i think next time.....
Haiz.............
Human are complicated......
I am complicated too.....
WAITING FOR HER TO RETURN TO KL......
There will be celebration for the end of suffering..........

**I think some will hard to believe that is me....
But wat i write here is true.....
This is the real me.... I am complicated

Exam is over......

My trials is over....
Finally....
During this period of time, a lot of things happen.....
Got good times and bad times...
Stay strong and happy...

STPM LEFT ONE AND A HALF MONTH........
A.............
Scary.....
Need to start prepare for exam.........
KAMPATE..............

I am very scare that i cannot score very well in this exam....
Cos is hard....
And my teacher say thatwe are not doing well in exam.....
Need to put more effort in my studys.....
Jia you...

Stop....

Hai....
I will be stop using blog for three weeks starting tomorrow which is 1 september....
Cos i am facing my trial....
So don miss me...
I will study hard for trial...
So when i finish it,
I will be blogging again....
Kampate...

Growing up........

I still wondering when can i grow up....
But i realise i still need time to learn how to....

Cos when i am scared and don know wat to do,
When i kena scolded,
When i fell guily,
The only thing i can do is cry....

Although my family keep on telling me don cry,
But tears just came down like that...

I really cannot control....
I want to grow up to be a young adult....
But i still need time to learn...
To be a girl who think wise and rationally....

Time to wake up and move on....
Kampate....

My family...

My friends always say that i am a princess in my home....
Cos i don know a lot of things......
But i am bless cos my family always care for me....

Starting my dad....
He is always teaching me...
General knowledge, bible knowledge, studies, political issue.....
How to be a better person...
Provide me and my sis with everything we need....
Send us here and there even though he is busy....

My mum....
She is always taking good care of us...
She also provide us everything we need....
My dad always buy eletrical things like radio, mp3 and others....
My mum always buy food, stationery and others....
She provide us in study...
We always talk when we are eating...
She will listen to my complain....

My sis.....
She is like a sheild to me....
She always protect me and care for me....
When i feel sad, she encourage me....
When i cry, she will be there....
I still remember when i had gastric pain,
She will be there taking care of me....

I am very thankful and bless with my family.....

Thanks so much....
I love you, dad, mum and my sis....

Sad day...

Sad...........
Today i make some mistakes......

Today, my dad ask me to drive the car out from house.
I am not that good.....
I did not realise i was too left already....
Den i bang into the pagar.....
The bumper of the car is blocked by the pagar...

I don know wat to do....
Den my dad come and help me....

When i saw the car is damaged,
I fell so sad and guilty.....
I really don know wat to do.....

Luckily, my dad did not scold me....
He just say that next time turn to right first then turn left...
He say that treat this as a lesson....

I still fell very guilty and lost....
Don know wat to do...
The only thing i can is cry....

I went inside my house....
My sis just tell me that dad will take care everything, so no need to worry...
And don cry already...

My grandmother was the worst....
She tell me not to cry...
Cos my dad is like that one...
He got bad tempered....

I was crying....
But my heart knows that my dad is not scolding me....
And i cry cos i am guilty....

She is my nightmare......

Den i spend time online....
Now feeling ok...
I think i still want to drive although experience this....
Kampate.....

Misunderstanding.......

Misunderstanding can break a relationship...
Even best friends....

This happen on me within this year....
I know that i am wrong...
But i don know how to say sorry to her...
Although the thing has pass, i still feel sorry.
I am truly sorry.
Although i cannot say to you face to face.

Now my friends is experiencing this...
It just a small misunderstanding....
But i hope they can settle....

I think my friend will be scolding me...
Cos i am not one of the person involve...
But is my dearest sister and brother.......
But i really hope that i can help in it...

Let all the misunderstand disappear.....
Let the friendship being rebuild again....

Friends forever...
I love you, My Friends...
In church and in school...
This is from my heart.....
I hope u all can feel it....

My car....

Yeah....
I can drive to church already....
Cos I got car.....

My dad got a brand new car.
So, he give me the small kelisa.....

Actually is good to drive small car...
Cos it is easy...

I know i am short.....
But i got license de....
So it is legal for me to drive...
I know it sound a bit unbelieveable...
But it is true....

Yeah............
I can drive wherever i want...
But i still need to tell my parents....

I am so so happy....

Love....

To me....

Love is happy....
When u see someone u love, u feel so happy.
When u know he is sick, u feel so worry.
When u cannot see him, u feel so sad.

Love is hurt...
When u realise u cannot love him, ur heart break...
When u see him with another girl, u feel so sad.
How u wish the girl was u....

Love is a test...
Test how much love u have for him.
Test how much trust u have for him.
Test how much faith u have for him.

Time to let go........
I know.
It is so hard to do it....
But he deserve a better girl...
Time to stand up again...

Actually, love can be so so hurt....

Study.....

OMG.....
Trials is coming.
But still no mood to study..
Don know wat to do.....

Haiz.........

I really need to study....
Trials is very important....
But don know why...
Cannot study...

Study half way Den want to eat or my brain cannot absorb anymore...
Need to work hard...
Kampate....

Camp.....

I went for a two day and one night camp.....
I think my friend will be scolding me cos after holiday is my very important trials.....
But i still feel very happy in camp....

I realise something in the camp, tat is.....
APPEARANCE AND LOOK CAN BE DECEIVING....

Why i say so ....

First, i still look younger than my real age...
Haha.....
Cos in the camp, there are someone who don know me and my real age.....
Naughty me go and find out and see who got it correct....
the nearest is 17 years old....
The smallest age in their guess is 13 year old....
Haha..........
Conclusion, i still look younger than my real age..
But my friend they always remind me that i am old aleady.....

Secondly, my friend bf is actually a different person than i think....
Before the camp, i always tink tat he is a quiet person....
In fact, no....
He is a person who pretend to be quiet....
But actually he is very very good in 'shoot' people....
He always say me until i feel so angry(not real one but kidding one)
Cos i don know how to talk back.....

Third, there are two brothers tat very very tall....
I also thought are quiet one....
But,they are noisy one (a bit la....)

Therefore, human look can be deceiving.....
So, don judge a person by his or her look.........

Envy and jealous

Envy and jealous bring a terrible effect on people, family and country.........

Cos of jealousy...
People don appreciate wat they had....
People hate one and another....
People always complaining...

A family is destroy...
Family members always think bad about other member...
There is no peace in family...

A country will lose a talented people...
A country will be weak and easily attacked by other country...(which will not happen in modern time)

Why cannot people be good to others???
I think we know the effect of all this....
People still envy others and jealous about it....
It leads to hatred (sometimes)..
And it will cause a lot of trouble and others hate him.....

All this i learn it from tv dramas......
Cos of jealousy and envy and own benefits,
It leads to a lot of sadness and unforgiveness...

Why people wanted power so much???
Wat can power bring???
wealth, happiness, love and others........

But is that really important???

Maybe i am too naive....
Cos i really don understand people.....

Human are complicated....
Me too....
I am complicated.......

Friends...............

A little faith brightens are rainy day

Life is difficult u can go away

Don't hide yourselvies in a corner

You have my place to stay

Sorrow is gonna say goodbye

Opens up u see the happy sunshine

Keep going on with yr dream

Chasing tomorrow sunrise

The spirit can never die

Sun will shine my friend

Won't let you cry my dear

Seeing you 'll share the tear

Make my woe disappear

You never be alone in darkness

See my smile my friend

We are with you holding hands

You have god to believe

You are my destiny

We meant to be yr friends

That's what a friendship be

My phone..........

My poor phone.....

My sister accidentally break the place where it cover memory card....

My poor phone....

I know my sister guilty about that.....

So, i don scold her la......

just still feel very sad....

But the main things is......
The phone still can use...
haha...
Just need to be extra careful in using it......

Trials.....

28 days more to trials....

scary....
cos got a lot of things to study.....
haven started to do revision....
a lot of things to remember.....

don know wat to do....

just want to focus on study....

KAMPATE...........

Thanks..........

Thanks passerby.....
I admit i have wrongs...
And i did a lot.....

I know i have make a lot of people angry.....
I know i hurt a lot of people.....
I am sorry for that.....
I am truly sorry.....

Maybe i am still a immature girl.....
A girl who haven grow up.....
Sorry...........................

Thanks for scolding me......
Thanks for all my friends care....
I know your all care for me.....

Anger is something i am still learning to control....
And here is where i can lent it out....
And i think i hurt a lot of people through this blog.....
I think i create a lot of trouble.....
I am sorry....
It is all my faults....

But this is the place where i tell my true feelings.....
Hope that your all will tell me wat should i do or to improve....

Lastly, sorry and thanks.

Heart..........

My heart is still bleeding......

Wait for time to heal the hurt inside me.....

Time to refocus on study.....

Don think about it anymore.....

Cos books won betray u........

Where i can really hand my heart over....

People is complicated....

Me too....

So my friend ... don worry for me.....

I will stand up someday....

When my heart stop hurting....

When my heart stop bleeding...

When my hopes come back....

When my dreams come back...

When i have the courage to face friends and people....

WAITING FOR THAT DAY TO COME..........

Emo me

Today i cried in class......

Cos i really cannot take it anymore..

Today da jie tell me my friend cried yesterday.
Cos she kena scolded by teacher and i did not give her good face....
Then she cried....

Today i feel the things happen again....
WHy my friends keep on hurting me....
The same hurt... repeated...

I want to break through....
I don want to be a puppet anymore...
I hate that kind of feeling and life.....
I don want to continue my life in that way.....

My heart still bleeding non-stop.....
HURT, SUFFERING, PAIN AND REJECTION.....
These things keep on filling me......

Hurt......
Everything is my fault.....
Everything is because of me......

I am a human being....
NOT A PUPPET.........
NOT A DOLL.........
NOT INVISIBLE............
NOT A SERVANT..........
Time to break free....
And carry a new life......

WAT A EMO ME.....
WAITING FOR TIME TO HEAL IT....

Hurts is keep in a Pandora box.....
A box should not be open.....
Let it be there.....

Sometimes relationship hurt people......

Hurt....

Today happen something that hurts me.......

I feel it cause the person hurt me is my friends....
Friends that go back together with me.....
Friends whom i know since form 5 ...
Friends whom i usually talk to....

But now....... i feel so hurt........

Today, there is a meeting.....
It is library AJK tertinggi meeting.
Teacher-in-charge wants to see all the AJK Tertinggi.
I am one of it.
And my friend, xin ning whom i called da jie.
Da jie did not even know got this meeting.
Until i tell her today morning....
I am thinking why are they did not even tall xin ning got this meeting.

So both of us going to library during second recess time...
We go and buy some thing and at the counter there, there is no librarian.
So we volunteer ourself to jaga there. Cause a lot of people go to buy things.
We also waiting for the meeting.
After one hour, da jie noticed that my friend who is our pengerusi enter one room and she did not come out again.
Then we ask our another friend.
This is wat she reply : 'why are you all still here? They are having meeting inside.'

After hearing that, i am so so so angry.
Why they did not even call us???
I was so angry until i wanted to throw something.

First time in school.
I angry until i want to throw something.
Then da jie was cooling me down....
And then i think the AJK tertinggi only pengerusi and setiausaha, and all the naib.
And i am going back to duty.

Then, i saw someone who is same pangkat as us got go to the meeting.
The first thought is r we not people?
Are we not AJK tertinggi?
Why is treating us like nobody?
Am us a invisible person?
Can't u see us there?

Last time during the interview also like this......
They only ask the friend...
They seems to forget who i am...

I am so so angry.....
The next thought is because i am not smart.
I cannot reach their level in study...

I HATE THIS KIND OF LIFE......

SOMEBODY RESCUE ME OUT FROM THIS LIFE!!!!!

Everyday, i am going back with them...
Everyday facing these things.....
I am becoming a nobody...
I am become an invisible person....

They won ask my opinion....
And they won tell me what is their decision....

I HATE THIS LIFESTYLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to break free.....
I don want to life in that kind of life again.....

I want to tell them.
But i am so so scare.....

Hurt cos being abandon by my friends.............
Hurt cos they don understand me...............
Hurt cos they just think themself...........
Hurt cos they won treat me as human......
Hurt cos i am nothing to them.......

HURT.................

MY HEART IS BLEEDING..... SUFFERING.....AND HATE........

I WANT TO BREAK FREE...........

Am i emo?

Am i emo???

To a certain extent, yes i am....
I am a girl....
Sometime i do things by feeling....
And i am easily get hurt...
But i always pertend to be strong
Actually i am very weak in my feelings....
And i am searching some answer about myself...
Sometime i don even understand my feeling...

Sometimes, i feel i am not...
cos i am happy-go-lucky...
Always smiling...
Most important is that i know there are someone is there to support me...

I may feel uncertainty in my life...
But still stay cheerful and happy...

who am i???

Who am i now???
Wat is my character now???
Am i following the world???
What is my true self???

LOST................

Now i only realise...
Sometimes i am a hypocrite....
I can smile and work with someone i hate so much................
My reason is tat i don want to affect the work...
but it seems like a hypocrite....
cos i don really say out how i feel....
i only let it out when i am with my close friends........

So sometimes i really don know....
Am i changing for better or worst.........
Am i following god's teaching???

I personally don think so la.....

Time to wake up........
Finding my true self.........
Be a pure girl....
Have faith in god...
Through him i am victory........

Prepare to change..............
But for better....

HATE

OMG..... I start to hate people.....

Tat was this person who thinks he or she knows everything....
Talk loudly.... Sort of disturbing......
And i hate the most is his/hers stupid theory which is not true....
He/she say until so so so true.....
OMG..... She is so arrogant.....
His/hers idea is true........
Cannot accept others idea or suggestion......
He/she find a lot of excuses...........
I HATE IT..................................

Another want is tat cannot control temper....
Simply scold people for nothing.....
i don even did something then you scold me......
OMG i don deserve it lo.......
u urself also don know how to handle things................
Do you know that this only worsen things.........
STUPID IDIOT
Why can't u just be polite and settle things in a nice way.................
I HATE THE WAY U HANDLE THINGS...........................

Why am i behave like a dog.....
Who keep on telling u when i will be going back.....
Wat i am going to do next............
Wat am i going after school......
Why u always last minutes tell me things..................
Why u always ask me to go back when i have wait u for a long time and u will be going back to after a few minutes......
It seems like io am so so so impatience.....
cannot even wait for 1 second..............................

Why u always so arrogant and always want things in your way................

Why u go and tell things that is not true to others.............

WHY???????????????????????

Can't they just be good to others????
Don they realise wat they are doing is hurting other people???
Why can't they just stop it????

They are a few of them here.....
IN church and school.....
I don want to write their name down...............
I think my close friends knows...................

TRYING TO CALM DOWN AND FORGIVE...........

Hell's bell....................

This is a programme that organise by my church teenz fellowship................

This programme talk about how powerful is music.....

I went before when i am young.....

Now my memory refresh....

I am a christian..........

And i now how contemporary songs affect or influence people.....

Is not all songs are bad......

But there are nice and good song....

It teach how to choose song carefully....

This is just for me.......

Is not a compulsary for everyone....

And i don intend to say any bad things about contemporary song.....

I just say wat i think....

If i say anything wrong, then sorry.................

Sick.........

Not feeling well again...............

Long time never had gastric................. Last time was during teenz camp.........
But before that, i never had gastric...............

Today is gastric + cannot breath.....
Is like no oxygen.....
I think i am too stress or frighten or maybe my health is not that good already................
I think i have to take care myself.....

Thanks to my friend cos they care for me......
Even though i am sick.................
And i cannot explain the situation to them.........
I think i make them scare............
But i just need to rest a while and take medicine...........
It will be just fine..................

HAHA..............

Now is the time to start study .............................

Young

Today i went to see an old friend....
Her comment to me is ' I still look young, seems like did not grow up....'

My friends, xin ning's brother and hazel's mother also give the same comment....

My appearance can still fool people....
They say i behave like a kid...
I still don know why...
Haha....

Sometimes is good....
Cos u still look young, no one will think that u are so big or old already.....
Cos u can buy children ticket which is cheaper....
Cos u look so fragile....but actually not....

Sometimes is bad...
Cos it seems like you will never grow up....
Cos u cannot be an adult...
Cos u remain like a kid....

Good or bad depends on you..............

But i believe is good.....
Haha.....
Is good to be young...................

My brother.....

Now..... I just briefly describe my godbrother....
My family did not know....
They take care of me very well.....

I got 6 elder brother.........
4 of them are older than me......
2 of them are younger than me.....

But my appearance makes people think that i am so so small...
I look younger than my real age....

So thats why they take care of me....
I don know why....
But they suddenly become a brother.....
That take care of me....
Care of me....
Scold me if i am naughty...
Let me bully them....haha....

But i know if someone is my brother, it is impossible for him to become lover.....
So i wish i have more brother.... haha....
Tats all......
Now i still prefer to be single.... Haha......

Guys.....

I got a brand new godbrother.....
He is younger than me by one year....
Nice Guy....
At least is someone who is kind....

Not like the guys in my tuition class....
I will not list them into my list if i am finding guys that are good.....
They not even good but terrible....
I cannot say all but mostly....
I still find minority of goodness in certain guys....

But others like my friend say can throw into dustbin....
SELFISH....
NOISY....
ARROGANT....
WORST......
So..... Narrow minded and 'xiao qi'.....

I really don like them.... cos they cause the class to be too noisy untill waste so much time in joking....
I did not see the seriousness in their study of certain person.....

Really don feel like being the same class with them......
I am not that anti- guys, but towards certain guys......

Hope that they can change and I must change my thinking......

Monday...

Although monday is a holiday, i am having a tired day.....

Cos i was having flu..... [not H1N1 OR HiNi FLU... Cos no fever and backpain....]
JUST NORMAL ONE....
Cos the weather is cold..... for me
I think my receptor got problem..... Haha

So tired + tired + tired......
No energy to move..... Even medicine cannot help too.....

Until tuesday, then feeling better....
Can go to school...
haha...........

Piano or keyboard.... Is time to make decision....

Ok, after i was given a choice, i feel a bit down and don know wat to do...

Then on saturaday, my friend ask me to replace him for keyboardist....
So i give it a try... I think is hard.... cos:
1. I don know wat should a keyboardist do...

2. I don know the sound and wat kind of sound matches the song most suitable....

3. I want to play more but cannot cos keyboard cannot cover the piano sound....

So i think piano suit me the best....

And i want to train myself to become better.....

If someone willing to trian me as a keyboardist, i think i will take up the challenge.
But as for now, i don think so.....
Cos i am facing my STPM this year....

So....... KAMPATE......

On wednesday......

On that day, we get a chance to bully our junior....... haha....

Cos that day is orientation day..... So can bully junior .....

On that day we can watch their performance...
I like the indian dance... It is nice.....
Then others is still ok...

On that day, we use our handphone illegally and open.Haha...
I don know teacher got see us or not la......
haha.....

Den we have explore game.... I am not feeling very well that day...
So my friend help me a lot... I only have to jaga the time.
So i can relax for a while... Haha...

Then some of the junior kena tipu lo...... Haha By our ketua orientasi...

Then we have our lunch. That is Macdonald...
The delivery late for 30-45 minutes. We get to enjoy our lunch...
But we feel so so hungry. Then our teacher advisor give some advise to us...

After that, we go to cs to watch movie. TRANSFORMER 2: THE REVENGE OF THE FALLEN.
So cool... The sound effect is so nice.... Super nice...

Then we go back home. When i reach home is so so tired.... But is fun...

Hope got another time to go watch movie with my friends again. Cos only left half a year den we will face our final STPM exam and seperate...

I will miss my friend after STPM... But we still can contact each other using msn, facebook and blog...

Just hope that we can still keep in touch.... Haha....

TERRIBLE FIRST DAY.....

On the first day, my terrible school (current) [don feel like telling others later kena tangkap] announce that they got KLUSTER SCHOOL.......
The pk hem announce that 'we' got not only kluster but KLUSTER KECERMELANGAN....
Don know where got cemerlang, 'ze me lan' only la.........
Acoording to the syarat la...... I don think they are qualify lo.....
Don know how they get one.....

When they show us the syarat for kluster school...... Last year SPM results does not meet the syarat, then the school blame the students.... And ask the student to do well.
If they do not do well, they can kick student out...[speciality of kluster school]
I was thinking the teacher also don know how to teach, still got some good one la..... how do they expect the student to do well.....

During the assembly ho....... the PK hem tell a lot of things that not important....
Waste a lot time in explaining... telling us that this award is so hardly get.....
A lot of nonsence.......

I want to go back early to class... Cos is BIO [ the only period that i will really focus on what teacher is teaching... And the teacher is super nice.... ] Finally finish..... use abt 25 minutes......
Our class is normally the first class to go out... Some ppl's bag is in class.... So they will go out first.... We were nicely walking then suddenly kena called by our discipline mistress. The reason they give is so stupid.... ' Sebagai pelajar di sekolah kluster, kena ada disciplin. Beratur dulu'secara berdua-dua baru boleh keluar.'

WAT A STUPID REASON....
We are form 6 students..... We r pra-univesity students..... Treat us like primary kids....
No choice but to follow.....

Then our timetable change AGAIN.... Luckily the first period is MATHS...... Then i don care how much time is taken....... When the teacher come in to distribute the exam paper, he got comment a bit but i did not listen..... I don wan to waste time.......
When he start to write down all the working, first i got listen... but when io hear him insulting us, i stop listening already....

WHY DO I HAVE TO LISTEN TO A TEACHER THAT INSULTING ME???
NOT WORTH IT.... and WASTE OF TIME.....

He see us not listening and start to talk something that are not abt maths and often is lame joke and nonsence........ Not make any sense one..... Wat a stupid.....

Wat makes me angry the most is wat he say about our spm....... He always say that this is form3 / 4 /5 even primary work....... I could not stand it when he say
' I DON KNOW HOW YOU GET AN A FOR YOUR SPM RESULTS. IF I GIVE YOU FORM 4 TEST PAPER I THINK YOU WILL FAIL THE TEST.'

I am so angry and frustrated.... Wat do u mean by saying that.... All of our A's is get through cheating......... Sorry ho...... Do you know, during my form 4 and form5 i never get a B for my add maths..... I always get A for that...... The lowest is 78 and 79 where i just need one more mark to get an A1.... You are insulting me..... And i don think u deserve my respect.......

I don know why he always like that??? I just colud not stand it...... Sometimes i feel like i don want to be in class... I don care if u teach or don teach...... I don care u can teach or not..... BUt please DON INSULT US WITH THAT....... Will that make u a good teacher??? No It just make you worst...... If u don insult us, i think i can accept you..... But throughout the year, i had have enough..... I don want anybody to insult me like tat..... cos that is my best subject and the one i love most...... And i don want anyone to insult it..... If u say current results, i still can accept but don talk about the pass...........

I really don understand the way u teach..... i think is for the benefits of others that u teach slowly.... But please don waste our time...... I think sometime u r good.... but don overdo things....... I think my friend will know who is it...... But just keep it here......

Thats the end...... After that my day seems affected, but there joy and laughter with friends.......

After the test....

After the test, we have two week holiday...

After holiday, when we go back to study.... this is the moment we fear the most...
That is.................

RESULTS......

On the first day, i am so so so worry.....
I scare i could not do well in exam......
Den i will kena NAGGING FROM PARENTS, CANNOT USE COMPUTER AND TV....
And the most worry one.... is EVERYDAY STUDY NON STOP.....
I am so so worry.... But got a feeling will be bad.....

But actually still ok after taking the results..... All fall between 60 to 70..... except for my physic.... Actually i did not study finish for all my subject and especially my physic....
Study half way fall asleep......

But i really want to thank God for letting me pass..........
At least pass... My parents still got nagging..... But not as terrible as i think.
But still want to study.... cos it is very important for further study......

KAMPATE....

Today.................

Feeling a bit better...........

At least my family is behind me...... They are there when i need support...................
When i am alone, they are there to lift me up.............
When i am home, there is sense of belonging........
At least i know i am wanted...................

Now feeling quite good..... when i start to think this way.......

Maybe i am just scare of lonelynesss...........

Sometime it seems like monster that are going to eat me up.................

Friends and family..................

Both are important and help in different area....................

It is time to wake up and stop being so EMO................

Time to set my new goal...............

Time to be a better person....................

Time to use my gifting well...............

Time to be a person god want me to be..................

I WILL HAVE HOPE AND COURAGE FOR EVERYDAY............

Wat a EMO me........

Sometimes...... I could not stop thinking about wat's happening aorund me......

Sometimes...... I hate when i feeling so good or not bad.... and a suddden news turn my feelings upside down.....

Sometimes...... I am think i am just a girl who cannot do anything..............

Sometimes....... I feel sad when being left out from a group who is so close to me........

Sometimes....... I am feeling don know wat to do........

Sometimes....... I AM FEELING MY LIFE IS WORTHLESS......

Sometimes....... I don know wat to hope for.......

Sometimes....... I would rather be a inviscible person........

Sometimes...... I would hide in a shadow and cry.........

Sometimes....... I have to be strong in order not to let others worry.......

Sometimes...... I feel like giving up.......

Sometimes....... I feel like i am siliy......

Sometimes........ I feel like going to hide in a place......

Sometimes........ I feel like runing away......

Sometimes........ I don know who to talk to................

Sometimes......... I feel like no one will come to my funeral.......

Sometimes....... I feel like tomorrow is nothing........

Sometimes....... Sometimes..... Sometimes.......

Sorry today a bit emo.......

Although i know god will always be with me....... I know god will always be there........ I know god love me........ i know god care for me....... i know god pay a huge price to save me........... I know god wants me to be the best...... I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW................................

But for me is so hard to follow........................ Cos i am so so so not use to it............

Wat would u do????? If your world is falling into darkness...... and u cannot save it.........

Somebody save me....... God save me.......

Don let me be ever so lonely and feeling so worthless.......

I don want to feel tat again........

I am scare and don know wat to do.................................

*Sis and friends if u see this don tell my parents...... i don want them to worry...... I believe the time will pass......................

I believe i will have hope again.........................

SOMEDAY AND SOMEHOW............................

Piano or keyboard...... Wat a difficult choice????

Today i am facing a hard decision..... Cos I don know how to choose.................

I am given a choice to switch from pianist to keyboardist......
[ For those who are not in my church...... I am a pianist in bilingual adults service....]

The reason is they want to put into 4 group..... And there is 5 pianist in the team......
And they hear me saying i am interested in keyboard....... So they ask me about that.....
[In each team there is only one pianist...]

It is hard to choose... Last time i really want to be a keyboardist..... [ cos i have no confident towards myself... and i think i play very bad...] So when i really tried out, it is fun..... And i really can play...... I can play but not quite well also.........

So hard to choose............... I was thinking to switch for a few month even a year..... But my dad told me that if i want to switch back is so so so so hard......

Don know wat to do....... Feeling a bit down and emo......

I think after this one i will continue to write some post that i should update about my life......

LIFE IS............................. UNKNOWN....

I don know wat will happen after that..... Just continue to read.... i will post my decision next week....

Wat a difficult decision.....

During holidays... thursday....

On thursday, i am going out with school firend....

I am very busy ho.... Always run here and there...

On that day, i am going out with
Hazel Jie Jie
Eileen
Lillian
Jolene
Xin Ning - Da jie
Prescillia - Pipi

On that day, i am the first one to reach jusco...[cos my dad cannot fetch me at 12 something...]
So have to go there early.... Spending an hour in popular....
Wat do i do??? Of course is read story books lo.... Got go and see some STPM books la.....

At almost 12.30, i sms to pipi.... but she never reply me.... so i wait outside red box lo......
It feels so siliy to stand outside red box..... I saw outside cinema there got not much people.....
Do you know why i say like that??? Cos before that, on wednesday.... there are a lot of people lining up to buy ticket to watch movie..... Thats the difference between a movie day and non-movie day.... haha.....

Finally i saw their shawdow from far away...... Then we meet up.... Eileen and Lillian went to ask for rooms, other are talking include me..... The redbox staff say that currently there is no room for us to sing.... so we have to wait until 2.30....... We are ok with that....

Most of us did not have our lunch.... Except for Lillian and Jolene...... So we go and have our lunch.... When we enter the restaurent, we feel hot... so so so we go around the restaurent to find a most cooling and suitable place [ cos we got 7 person and we wan to sit together ] ....The food is still ok..... But some tat we order is cancelled........... but overall still ok.....

After eating is shopping.... Most of us is doing window shopping.... Only hazel and lillian got buy something....

Then we went to redbox.... I saw some of my church friend.... We went to our room.....

IT IS SO SMALL................

I hear tat this is only for 4 person..... [ This is my first time going so i don know ].... the waiter always come in.... and disturb us.... He give us a wrong impression about our drink.....
He say he hlp us to order milo.... but actually is coffee and a lot of ice.....Eileen start to take out the ice and put it into a plate where is filled with snack.... And all of us start to follow....
And we make and 'ice kacang' [ cos is ice + kacang or peanut ] ........... Haha.....

We sing for two hours only, [ i don think got two hours lo.....] in the middle we got skip some song cos no lyrics..... HAIZ........... And we can only put 30 songs in one list.... Seem like too little space for putting song.... I think most of us is not very happy la.... But still ok....

After that we go shopping.... and i went back first..... Cos my dad come and fetch me after work.... Lillian also want to go back first cos her mum will be scolding if late....
So we say goodbye and back home......

Is Fun to hang out with friends.......

Next time lets plan an outing again..... HAHA.................

Wednesday............... Happy and fun

Just as i write in the last post......

I am going out with my church friend....................

With who???..........
There are
Me - Dolphin
My Sis - Polar Bear
Tiffany - Tikus
Charlene - Monkey
Hui Min - Kangaroo
Ryan - Hippo
Bryan - Doggy
These are my church gang...

To...... Jusco.......

Do wat ?.......... Watch Movie

Wat movie?...... Night at the museum 2

Ok.... Let me start from the beginning...

We plan to meet at 12.15p.m. But it seems like Chinese Tradition.
Everybody reach almost 12.30.
Bryan is the first one to reach. My sister and i second.
So.... They go and buy the ticket first. I am left there to wait for others...
Poor ME... But Luckily i just wait for a while then my friends come already.....

When we are buying the ticket, ryan received a call from our friend jackren. He say he want to join us. So we buy the ticket for him. But in the end he cannot make it on time...

After that we go and eat our lunch. Suddenly bryan saw his mum walking into the shop. So he tries to hide from his mum.... ( don know why???) But in the end, he thought his mum saw him. Actually his mum did not saw him. Ryan think it is because of his height....haha.....
The food there is not very nice, but still ok only. A bit not nice. Sorry I won tell u wat shop is that. So find out urself....

After that we go separately, two boys go to play game.... with my sis....
I go with hui min to buy sweet.... Tiffany and charlene go to buy things.... I am not sure wat is that..... Then we go to cinema. After buying popcorn and drink, four of us, me, hui min, charlene and tiffany.... wait for the boys. I called my sis and ask her come here quickly, but her reply is
' both the yan [ bryan and ryan ] are still playing, cannot stop, scold already, but no use......'
Haiz............ This is not good... Boys actually let girls wait for them......
SHOULD PUNCH THEM.... haha.....

We meet our church friend there. Felinda, Dorothy, Sarah and others ( cos cannot recognise..... Sorry) They are watching the same movie but different place.....
The movie is funny...... I like the part where Einstein doll sing ' thats the way'
Is so so so cute........ Not one not two but i think about seven or eight......

After that, we go shopping and play..... After that we go home already.... Seperately and different time......

Ok thats all..... Talk next time...

Holiday....................

o.... My Goodness..........

Holiday is coming......

Finally can have a nice rest after exam.......

Exam is very very hard.......

Finally can play................

My holiday is packed.... There is a series of activity waiting for me......

Starting from today, 1/6/2009 - stay at home online
2/6/2009 - Pengajian Am tuition.... 4.30 - 6.30
3/6/2009 - Go out with church friend
4/6/2009 - Go out with school friend
5/6/2009 - Maths and chemistry tuition

8/6/2009 - Sister's birthday, going out to play badminton, gathering
9/6/2009 - Church camp
10/6/2009 - Church camp
11/6/2009 - Church camp
12/6/2009 - Church camp
13/6/2009 - Church camp

So.............
I will not be in jb for 5 days starting 9 -13.
So... my friend don miss me ....
haha

Feelings.... A Weird Feeling... Don know how to explain.

I am not sure what is my feeling. Continue to read then you will know why.


After watching a anime called code geass:lelouch of rebellion,
the guy, lelouch die. but the world change to be a better place to live. There is no war... peaceful and quiet. There is no difference between each races. The World is so nice...


But i think to myself, what a poor guy. He did not get to enjoy all his hardwork and yet have to face death. Even though he plan all that, but i don't think he deserve to die.
I think cafefully if you were in his shoe, what would you choose?
Be like him? Sacrifice your life, and held tightly to what you think is right? To follow what you believe is right? Or you choose to sacrifice others that can help you? Or choose to save people that you love?


I think it from a lot of differcnt direction and i came to a conclusion that is sacrifice for others is not easy. Be a hero is so tough..... Ithink i would rather be a normal person...
What do you think? Actually you maybe think 'it just a show, nothing special.'
But to me, is where i can learn things. I don think school is a only place to learn things but life is one of the place. Life can make a person mature, Life test people in many ways, Life is full of colour, Life can be miserable, Life is full of struggles. it just how you see things.
I may not be a very very happy person but i want to treasure every time every second cos life is precious.

Exam........................................................

I am having my exam....
But i have no mood to study...
I am very scare that i will do very very bad in my exam...
I want to study hard....
I wish i can....
I must start to do now...
Or else i will keep on being lazy....
Time to work hard....

New

Today is the day i open a blog.
Finally open one.
I like stars so i name it that way.
Happy always