God know whats ur heart one...
Today, i truly experience it...
Seriously....
Now let me start the story of my recent life....

So story starts with test marathon....
Non stop test and event....
Wed one, thursday, friday, saturday and Easter event on Sunday...
Monday test....
So, the test marathon ends on Monday but it is not the end...
Thursday got one more and next Wednesday got another test...

As stress builds up,
I realize one thing....
I cannot sleep...
I don dare to sleep....
Keep forcing myself to study....
I don feel that i am living in reality....
I feel like i am living in my dream....
But it is so real....
I fell pain when i hurt myself....
I keep hurting myself and i fell pain...
But it seems so unreal...
Feel like in a dream...
Really in a dream....
And i truly wish that it is in a dream.....

Second thing is i cannot cry....
I wish that i can cry...
Even though is in deep sadness...
No tears...
Totally no tears....
I cannot cry....

Stress plus missing home...
Making me miserable here.....
Making me not the girl that people used to know...
Even i myself find myself weird...
What have happen to me??
What make the person right now??
What cause me to be the person that is standing in front of you smiling??
I don like my smile...
I don like who i am right now...
But i cannot change it....
I wish that i can cry...
I really wish that i can cry...
Crying like a baby....
Let all the stress and sadness within me....
Flow out as tears come out...
I pray to god...
Saying that god, let me cry....
Let me cry, please....
Seems like nobody realize me being different...
Still the same me in appearance...
But i know i change.....

God see my heart....
Today i felt it...
Deeply...
I can be sure that God separate me and my sister for a reason...
He put us in different place for a reason.....
I know it...
Today i just felt that way...

So after today service,
My friends pray for me...
When i listen to their prayer,
I fell touched...
As they speaks out my problems...
They tell me what am i lacking in my life right now...
I cry...
Tears just fall down...

God understand me....
Really....
He knows that i miss home...
I miss home badly...
So, he give me a home here...
Friends that really like family to me....
Friends that would care for me....
Really take care of me...
People from other place,
They can see that our relationship is very close...
I really thanks god for that........
I really thank god for that..........

They help me to pray for a nice sleep..
I don think i am sleeping peacefully...
Stress and missing home find its way to haunt me....
Like today,
When singing songs,
Memories just fly to me....
One of the song today,
Remind me of my primary 6 trip...
My dad is worried...
But god use that song to tell him that,
His daughter is safe....
I am missing home...
But this is something that i need to overcome...
I miss home...
But i know i am going back home...
Soon...
Really soon....

Stress,
From study,
From family,
From everywhere...
Study is the most stressful one....
Really...
Plus i am worried of my family....
My sis and my daddy fighting..
I will be worried...
Even though my mum say don care about them...
But i still worried....

Today i got a feeling...
I believe is from god..
Tell me that i have a home here...
Here, is here...
Home...
A place where i can call home....
God knows it...
And he prepare a place for me to call home...
Home............

Study hard and study smart...
This is what i can do for now....
For right now....
God will lead my way...
As my life is in god's hand...

Princess Starry found a new castle here....
Now she got one more castle to protect her......
She will happy again...
Be a cheerful princess.....
And be a brave princess.......
:)